Why Swearing is FUN!

If you are reading this, chances are you are my friend or, at the very least, my acquaintance.  I’m sure you are well aware of the fact that I have a little sailor who lives inside my mouth, shouting out filthy words and phrases and laughing gleefully.  In my life, I have encountered many people who equate swearing with a lack of classiness or eloquence.  Bullshit, I say.  Words are words: they are empty sounds until we project meaning and connotation upon them.  I am not ashamed to admit that I harshly judge the “oh fudge,” “fiddlesticks,” and “heck” mutterers of the world.  By denying yourself the use of one word, only to replace it with a similarly sounding word that holds the exact same meaning and intent, is ludicrous.  If you have a problem with me saying “fuck,” you are implying that you take issue with the meaning behind it.  If I say “fudge” in its place, the meaning has not changed.  The intent remains the same despite the switch of letters.

The argument is much more complex than this, I’m aware.  We have been socially conditioned to recognize certain words as bad and improper, taught that these words are inappropriate in certain social settings, and berated for using them at unacceptable times.  I just want to know why these particular words are the ones that are the most satisfying to use. 

Part of the curse word’s charm must come from the taboo.  For children, there is a definite correlation between how forbidden something is and its inherent appeal.  Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, don’t say bad words.  The feeling gained when you take your first rebellious sip of cheap beer is not much different from the exhilaration felt after timorously whispering a hasty “bitch” as your mother walks out of the room. (Just as a smug side note: look at my amazing vocabulary now, bitches!  Lacking in eloquence, my ass!)  By the time most of us reach adulthood, most of the desire for gratuitous rebellion has gone.  However, the swear word has already infiltrated our vocabulary, taking over like an invasive species.  We have the power to eradicate it, but most of us choose not to.  Let’s face it: swearing is a fun and easy way to spice up most sentences by way of emphasis and exclamation. 

The real merit of the swear word lies in the realm of linguistics.  Yes kids, there is an actual academically-accepted reason why yelling “fuck” at the top of your lungs when you stub your toe feels so good on your tongue.  The majority of the most widely used and loved swear words hold at least one of two key ingredients: fricatives and plosives. 

Very simply put, fricatives are consonant sounds that are made by forcing air through a narrow space.  For example: placing your upper teeth against your lower lip and forcing sound through to make the “fuuh” sound in “fuck;” the use of the tongue to block and narrow air passage when producing the s- sound in “ass;” and even the pushing of air through the upper and lower teeth for the sh- in “shit” and the tsh- in “bitch.”  This forced movement of air creates a friction that is not only audible, but felt in the mouth and lips. 

Plosives are similar in that they are also not passive sounds.  Plosive consonant sounds involve a stop of airflow completely.  For example: the lips stop air movement to produce the “buh” in “bastard” and “bitch;” and the tongue blocks air for the d-  in “dick” and “kuh” sound in….well, even I have my limits, as hypocritical as they are, so you will have to fill this one in yourselves.  (I blame society!  And my mother!)  Like fricatives, the forceful nature of producing the sounds creates physical vibration in the mouth and a harsh exhalation of air.

This physical and aural response is what makes swearing so damn satisfying: it physically feels good to say these words, plus they make a satisfying rush of noise and air.  When you get words like “fuck” that start with a fricative and end with a plosive, it is a veritable melting pot of satisfying, swear-y goodness.  Who can blame a girl for exercising her right to make exhilarating sounds every chance she gets? 

In closing, I offer advice: the next time someone tries to belittle your intelligence or literacy specifically because of your use of swear words, the quickest and easiest way to throw them off track is spouting off linguistic theory.  You can tell them to fuck off to hell as well, but it doesn’t leave them quite so confused and diminished.  Better yet, do both.  They will be too busy wondering what plosives are to realize you managed to display your intellect using the very same potty mouth they disdain.